The Art of Compliments: How Midlife Women Rebuild Confidence and Self-Trust
PODCAST · EPISODE № 008
Listen to the full episode:
December brings sparkle, gatherings, and celebration — but for many midlife women, it also brings comparison, pressure, and self-doubt. In this episode, Dr. Oksana Skidan explores The Art of Compliments — a timeless yet often forgotten skill that helps women 40+ rebuild confidence, self-trust, and feminine presence during the busiest season of the year.
Discover how learning to give, receive, and offer compliments to yourself becomes a form of emotional self-care and modern midlife empowerment. Drawing from her upcoming book The Courage to Know, Oksana shares personal stories and practical insights that will help you reconnect with your worth, your light, and the quiet power of being seen — especially when life gets loud.
🧭 In This Episode:
• Why midlife women find it easier to give compliments than to receive them
• The psychology of self-trust and why accepting praise builds confidence
• How compliments strengthen connection, leadership, and feminine energy
• The difference between modesty and self-dismissal — and how to break the habit
• A simple daily ritual to give three compliments that nurture self-worth and belonging
Useful Resources:
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Transcript:
Oksana Skidan (00:00)
The first week of December is already behind us, and I think it’s safe to say we’re officially in the holiday season. That shift that happens every December, when everything around us seems to shimmer just a little more — it’s here. The music, the gatherings, the sparkle — and of course, the compliments — they start coming from every direction. “You look amazing today!”
“I love your dress.” “You look radiant.” “I love your energy today.”
But here’s what I’ve noticed year after year, especially among women: we can celebrate everyone around us with such ease. We’ll tell our friends how wonderful they look, how beautifully they handled something, how much we admire their strength or their spirit.
And yet… when someone says something kind to us, we freeze. We brush it off, minimize it, deflect it, explain it away. It’s almost automatic. And I get it — I’ve been there many times. That’s actually one of the reasons I wrote an entire chapter on this topic in my upcoming book, The Courage to Know, which is coming out on January 20th, 2026. The chapter is called Learning the Language of Compliments, because that’s exactly what it is — a language. A language of connection. A language of acknowledgment. A language many of us were never taught to speak fluently.
We learn how to work hard, to care for others, to strive, to give — but not always how to stand still when someone sees us and says, “You did well.”
So today, I want to share with you what I’ve learned — through a life on stage, through conversations with women in all seasons of life, and through my own ongoing practice of being seen — about the art of compliments.
Not just giving them. Not just receiving them. But also offering one to yourself. Because learning how to stand in the light of recognition — with grace, presence, and truth — might just be one of the most beautiful skills we can carry into this season and into our lives.
When I think about compliments, I always start here — with giving. Because giving a compliment isn’t about flattery or small talk. It’s about seeing. It’s that quiet, intentional moment when you pause long enough to notice something beautiful, something true — and you decide to say it out loud. To me, it’s so powerful.
And there’s also something deeply generous about that. In a world that’s constantly rushing, constantly performing, to stop and say, “I see this in you,” is an act of presence. It’s a form of care.
I learned that early on, back when I was performing on stage. There’s a moment I’ll never forget. I was in Italy, performing at an international piano competition in a little town called Ragusa Ibla. After I played, a woman from the audience approached me. She didn’t speak much English, and my English was not good at all, but she was determined to tell me something.
She said in broken words that I reminded her of a girl in a painting, and she promised to return in the afternoon to show me. And she did.
Oksana Skidan (04:11)
She came back carrying a large art book, and when she opened it — there it was. Two Young Girls at the Piano, a painting by a famous French artist. One of the girls, sitting at the piano with her hair tied in a ribbon, looked almost exactly as I had looked that day — posture, expression, everything.
But it wasn’t about comparison. It wasn’t even really about resemblance. It was about something she felt — something she saw in me that reminded her of beauty, of art, of memory. And she took the time to name it.
That moment stayed with me for years, not because it was grand, but because it was real and kind. Her compliment wasn’t just words — it was a connection she built with me in that moment, and it stayed with me forever.
And that’s what I mean when I say giving a compliment is a form of generosity.
When you see something beautiful in another woman — in her courage, her energy, her kindness, her quiet strength — say it. Don’t wait. Don’t assume she already knows.
Be specific. Be sincere. Tell her, “I admire how you handled that.” “I love the calm you bring into a room.” “Your energy feels grounded today — it’s contagious.”
You never know what that single sentence might do, because the truth is, we all have moments when we wonder if what we do, say, or create really matters. And sometimes the smallest compliment is the reminder that it does.
So as you move through this season — the gatherings, the conversations, the chaos and sparkle — look around. Let your eyes rest on someone. Notice her. And say it. That’s what giving a compliment really is — it’s seeing someone and having the courage to say, “I see you, and I see the best in you.”
Now, let’s talk about the part that so many of us find harder — receiving a compliment.
I think it’s safe to say most women I know have almost mastered the art of giving them. But when someone looks us in the eye and says, “You look beautiful tonight,” or “That presentation was fantastic,” or “You’ve really made a difference in my life,” something inside us freezes.
We smile awkwardly. We wave it off. We say, “Oh, it was nothing,” or “You’re just being too nice.”
Sound familiar?
Here’s what’s really happening: our mind goes into instant self-edit mode. It’s as if there’s a small internal committee that says, “Wait, wait, wait — do I really deserve that?”
Or, “If only they knew how imperfect it actually was.”
I think that’s where many of us go almost immediately after we hear a compliment.
And that moment — that hesitation — is where we lose connection. Because a compliment, when you really think about it, isn’t about ego. It’s about acknowledgment. It’s about someone offering you a reflection of your light and trusting you enough to hold it for a second.
When we deflect, we’re not being humble—we’re actually interrupting that exchange. We’re turning away someone who just reached out to connect. I learned this early. During my years on stage, after performances, people would come up to me with kind words, with compliments, and sometimes I’d instinctively say things like, “I didn’t play as well as I could have,” or, “I made a mistake you probably didn’t notice.” I know all my fellow musicians now know what I’m talking about.
Until one day it hit me: by trying to be modest, I was taking away their joy in giving. They were not analyzing my performance—they were sharing how it made them feel. They were saying, you moved me. And that experience wasn’t mine to correct. It was theirs to offer.
If they said, “I really enjoyed your performance,” that’s what they were telling me, and it was not my place to start correcting them. So I learned to simply say, “Thank you. That means a lot,” and to really feel the gratitude in that moment. There is something powerful about standing still when someone shines a light on you. Not stepping away. Not shrinking. Not laughing. Just staying.
Because when you think about it, that’s what so much of midlife is—learning to stand fully in your own light. To not rush to explain, to not minimize, to not compare yourself to anyone else, but to say, yes, this is me, and I am proud of how far I’ve come.
Here’s something I want you to remember. When someone gives you a compliment, they’re not just talking about you. They’re also revealing something about themselves—about what they value, what they find beautiful, what they notice in the world. So by accepting it, you’re not just receiving—you’re honoring them.
Try this. The next time someone offers you a kind word, pause before you respond. Take a breath, let it land, feel it, and simply say, “Thank you. That means a lot to me.” It’s simple, but it’s profound. Because when you do, you’re not just accepting praise—you’re accepting connection. You’re learning to speak the language of being seen. And I think, in a world that’s constantly telling women to do more, be more, achieve more, learning to simply receive is one of the most radical acts of self-trust there is. You will discover that when you react this way, the person who offered the compliment will suddenly feel so good about it too.
I remember this past summer, I was invited to a wedding. I had a beautiful dress on, and as my husband and I entered the room where all the guests were talking, a woman came up to me and said, “I love your dress—you look so beautiful.” I smiled and said, “Thank you very much, I’m glad you mentioned this.” She literally stopped right there, looked at me, and said, “Wow, I’ve never heard anyone receive a compliment like that. You didn’t apologize for it, you didn’t make the dress simpler, and you didn’t offer any explanation. You just accepted my compliment. Wow.”
That moment was another lesson for me. When we receive compliments with dignity and respect, we allow ourselves to feel better—and we acknowledge the person who gave us the compliment, making them feel better as well.
Now, let’s talk about the third and most overlooked part of this conversation—giving a compliment to yourself. This, I believe, is the ultimate act of emotional maturity and feminine strength in today’s world. Because if you think about it, when was the last time you said to yourself, I’m proud of you, and actually meant it?
Giving a compliment to yourself isn’t vanity—it’s acknowledgment. It’s saying, I see myself. And that, in our fast, distracted, comparison-driven world, is revolutionary. Modern life makes it so easy to see everyone else. We scroll, we watch, we admire. We see beauty, success, style, milestones—all out there. But to turn that gaze inward, to stop and say, I did well today. I kept going. I’m proud of the way I handled that conversation. I look good. I feel good. I had a good day. That takes courage.
It’s another way of saying, I have myself. And that, to me, is the foundation of true self-agency—the heart of everything I talk and teach about.
When you compliment yourself, you’re practicing presence. You’re reinforcing trust. You’re building an internal language of love, respect, and belonging—one that doesn’t depend on anyone else to validate it.
Here’s something I’ve noticed with women I work with: we are phenomenal at recognizing effort in others. We’ll say, You’re doing great, or I love your strength, or I’m proud of you for trying. But when it comes to saying that to ourselves, we go silent. We think, Well, I could have done better, or It wasn’t a big deal. And yet, this daily habit of self-dismissal quietly erodes our confidence.
Because we’re not only neglecting to compliment ourselves — we’re often doing the opposite. We criticize ourselves or diminish what we’ve done by telling ourselves that it’s not enough. That’s why I believe learning to compliment yourself is not just a mindset; it’s a skill. It’s a muscle that needs practice.
And no, I don’t mean looking in the mirror and forcing yourself to say, I’m beautiful if it doesn’t feel true in that moment. Start with something grounded, something real. Maybe try this: I’m proud of how patient I was today. I handled that situation with grace. I showed courage by saying what I really think. I tried something new, and that matters.
And of course, if you do look at yourself in the mirror and there’s a tiny thought that flies by — Wow, I look good today — then acknowledge it. Repeat it. Say it out loud: I look good today. Those kinds of compliments are not about surface beauty. They’re about substance — about the actions, decisions, and moments that define your life and shape who you are becoming.
They are about I see myself. And the more you practice it, the more fluent you become in your own emotional language of compliments.
This, I believe, is one of the highest forms of modern feminine power — the ability to see yourself clearly and still speak kindly. To say, Yes, I am imperfect, and that is my power. Yes, I’m still learning, and I’m proud of who I am today.
Because here’s the truth: no one can see you fully if you refuse to see yourself first. Self-complimenting is not self-absorption — it’s self-connection. It’s how you build the mindset of I have myself, that calm, unshakable sense that your worth is no longer up for debate.
So tonight, when the house is quiet — or maybe in the morning, whenever you’re listening to this — take one minute. Look at yourself and name one thing you admire. One thing you appreciate about the woman you’ve become.
That’s how self-trust grows. That’s how confidence stabilizes. That’s how modern women thrive — not by waiting for recognition, but by becoming their own witness. And here’s the beauty of it: once you start giving compliments to yourself, the way you give them to others — and the way you receive them — changes completely. Because you’re no longer looking for approval. You’re simply sharing truth. You’re sharing what you see, and you’re willing to accept what others see in you.
As we come to the end of today’s talk, I want you to think about this: what if compliments were not rare moments of surprise, but a daily language of connection? A language we use with intention — to connect with others, to strengthen relationships, and to build an inner foundation of self-trust.
Because when you think about it, a compliment is energy. It’s the energy of seeing. It’s the moment when you pause long enough to say, I notice you. I appreciate this. This matters. And what’s beautiful about that energy is that it doesn’t stop with the person who receives it. It expands. It moves outward. It inspires someone else to see, to notice, to acknowledge.
We talk a lot about leadership, self-agency, and presence in midlife — but this is where it truly begins. Not in grand gestures or big reinventions, but in the smallest, most human moments of appreciation. The compliment you give. The one you allow yourself to receive. And the one you quietly offer to yourself before the day ends.
And maybe that’s what the world needs a little more of right now — women who see each other clearly. Women who speak truth with kindness. Women who can say, I see myself — and I see you too.
So as we step deeper into this month of gatherings, sparkles, and reflections, I want you to try this small experiment every day this week: give three compliments — one to someone you know, one to a stranger, and one to yourself. They don’t have to be big. They just have to be real and sincere.
On Saturday, my husband and I were at a Christmas party, and as we were leaving the restaurant, I saw a young woman in the most incredible dress. She looked radiant. I walked up to her and told her how beautiful she looked and how stunning the dress was. She smiled, truly happy to receive the compliment. And all I did was notice something genuinely beautiful — and acknowledge it. That’s how change begins. With language. With awareness. With presence. And the next time someone compliments you, take a breath, smile, and let it in.
That’s the sound of being seen. That’s the energy of connection. And that’s the art of creating your midlife — one genuine word at a time.