How to Feel Calm and Grounded This December: A Midlife Guide to Ending the Year with Presence.
PODCAST · EPISODE № 007
Listen to the full episode:
December can feel like a full-time job — family, work, expectations, emotions — all arriving at once.
In this episode, Dr. Oksana Skidan, writer, educator, and creator of the Create Your Midlife™ Method, helps midlife women shift from overwhelm to clarity by asking one simple question:
“How do I want to feel this December?”
Through her D.E.C.E.M.B.E.R. framework — Design, Embrace, Connect, Exhale, Move, Believe, Extend, Reflect — she guides you to redefine how you experience the season. This is your invitation to release perfection, reclaim your energy, and choose presence over pressure.
🧭 In This Episode:
• Why December feels so heavy for midlife women — and how to lighten it
• The mindset shift that turns stress into calm and focus
• How to design your days around energy, not expectations
• The eight emotional anchors to feel grounded and fulfilled
• A powerful end-of-year reflection ritual to renew your energy for 2026
Useful Resources:
Subscribe to The Create Letter: https://oksanaskidan.com/newsletter
Explore The Midlife Method™: https://oksanaskidan.com/midlife-method
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/
Follow on Instagram @oksana_skidan_dr: https://www.instagram.com/oksana_skidan_dr
Transcript:
Oksana Skidan (00:02)
December 1st. Well, the last month of 2025 is here. I hope you had a really great, fun Thanksgiving. In my family, somehow we managed to do both — to be busy, to relax, to have a loud, fun time with friends on Thanksgiving Day. We had over 20 people at our table.
And then, at the same time, we had moments with just the three of us — my husband, my son, and me — playing some board games and watching movies. But nevertheless...
We just finished November, and now we’re on to, I would say, probably a true winter holiday marathon. And when I look at December, I know that for most of us, this month feels like a full-time job on top of all the jobs we already have during the year. Right? But for me, this full-time job feels big — it feels like the grand finale of the year.
It’s the moment where everything we’ve been doing, everything we’ve been building, suddenly comes together. It’s the month of gathering, of finishing, of reaching out — the culmination of all our effort, our goals, our growth, our wishes.
And maybe it’s the musician in me — well, for sure, the musician in me — but there is one word that always comes to mind this time of year. The word is coda. It’s from the Italian language and widely used in music. The word coda means the closing section, the final section of a piece. It could be a large piece or a small one — it’s where the performer, for one last time, brings everything together: the themes that were introduced in the composition, the emotions, the technique.
It’s often the most challenging part, but also the most powerful. That’s how I see December — not as a slow crawl to the finish line, not the “let’s just survive it” kind of ending, but as a coda. A moment where we gather everything we’ve learned, everything we’ve become, and make one final, beautiful statement before the year closes.
And you know, as midlife women, we're not just carrying the end of the year for ourselves. I feel like we're carrying it for everyone — for our families, for our work, for our parents. In some way, we're right at the center of it all. But not in the spotlight, not being celebrated — more as the engine that keeps it all moving forward.
We're the ones who make this month magical for everyone else — the planners, the coordinators, the emotional anchors. We hold the pulse of the entire household: the schedule, the feelings, the atmosphere.
And with Thanksgiving just behind us, I know many of us are already stepping into December feeling tired. Tired, maybe a little behind, maybe not quite living up to the picture we had in mind for how this season should look.
And I know one thing about myself — when I start creating from that place of tiredness or pressure, nothing good ever grows from it. The energy I begin with is the energy that carries through.
It’s like in music — if I step into the coda with tired hands (and believe me, that’s happened quite a few times), the ending won’t soar, no matter how hard I try. You can’t fake presence. You can’t fake energy.
So before we plan a single thing this December — before the lists, before the decorations, before the race to the finish line — I want to invite you to pause. Just stop for a moment. Take a breath, and ask yourself one simple question:
How do I want to feel this December?
After all, we plan everything. We choose the events, the outfits, even the perfume that we wear. We choose what song to play in the car, what road to take, what meal to make. We’re constantly deciding — shaping the details of how our days look.
But what if this time, we also chose how we want to feel? What if that feeling became our compass — our guide — our filter for everything we say yes or no to this month? Because December will be full no matter what. The only real choice we have is the energy we bring into it.
So today, I want to talk about that — about how we move through this last month, and maybe even more importantly, how we want to feel throughout it.
Here’s the interesting part. The older I get, the more I notice that everything around us carries symbols — signs that invite us to pay attention, to maybe interpret them, to maybe stop for a second and think, What does that mean?
A few months ago, I started looking at the name of each month itself. What if each one was a message — a code — a set of clues for how we could live it? Because as adults, I feel that we forget how to play. We plan, we manage, we achieve — but we rarely create meaning for ourselves anymore. And this simple practice brought some of that magic back.
So for December, I decided to let its name guide me as well — to let each letter be a reminder of how I want to feel this month. My emotional compass, if you will. And here’s what I discovered when I decoded December.
The letter D stands for Design Your Days.
December has its own rhythm — full, loud, beautiful, sometimes overwhelming. Well, probably not sometimes — to me, it’s like that all the time. It’s easy to get swept into it and realize by mid-month that your days have been running you instead of the other way around. Designing your days isn’t about rigid structure or endless checklists. You decide how you want your day to feel before it begins. You set the emotional tone, the tempo, and the energy that carries you through.
You can set one intention for the entire month or have a different one each day. Personally, I think I’ll go with a different one — to have more fun along the way. I want to wake up every morning in December and ask myself, What do I want this day to stand for? Some days it might be peace, some days it might be movement, some days maybe simply just to have fun. That’s how you design a month that reflects life — not day after day of routine that we’re no longer paying attention to.
When you design your days intentionally, you stop waiting for balance to appear and start creating it. You begin to notice small joys — the taste of your morning coffee, the glow of light on a cold afternoon. And they become proof that you are the one shaping your experience. In midlife, this kind of presence becomes your superpower. You don’t need to control every detail — you simply decide the feeling that will lead you. Because when you decide that, the day follows.
The next letter is E, and I decided that it will stand for Embrace Enough.
Coco Chanel once said, “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.” She meant it as style advice, but it’s genius life advice, too. The idea of enough — in both the way we decorate our lives and the way we carry them — is where true elegance begins.
This December, I invite you to do the same with your days. Before you step out into the world, take one thing off — one item from the to-do list, one expectation that doesn’t belong to you, one obligation that doesn’t feel aligned anymore. Because the truth is, most of what exhausts us isn’t the doing — it’s the overdoing.
We add and add, hoping that fullness will make us feel fulfilled, when in fact, it only makes us distracted.
Enough isn’t a limit — it’s a boundary of grace. When you declare something as enough, you tell your nervous system it’s safe to rest. You stop editing yourself for the world and start editing the world around you to fit your peace. This isn’t minimalism for the sake of control — it’s refinement for the sake of clarity. Every time you say enough, you choose presence over perfection. And that’s what makes life — and you — truly exquisite.
C stands for Connect with What Matters.
December brings with it a thousand opportunities to connect — with people, with places, with traditions that have shaped who we are. And while connection is one of the great joys of life, it can also become one of its heaviest expectations. Not every invitation is an obligation. Not every familiar face is meant to be part of your present.
This month, I invite you to make a simple list of connections that truly matter to you — right here, right now, in your life. Write down the people who bring warmth to your heart, the spaces where your energy expands instead of tightens, the rituals that remind you who you are.
It doesn’t have to be long — in fact, it shouldn’t be. Because as we learned in Embrace Enough, even beautiful connections can become too much when we lose our sense of center. Connection isn’t about constant togetherness; it’s about meaningful resonance. Sometimes the best way to connect with others is by reconnecting with yourself first.
When you nurture your own presence, every conversation becomes deeper, every encounter more real. So this December, choose your connections as carefully as you choose your words. Let each one matter. Let each one feel like home.
E is for Exhale Expectations.
We talk so much about external expectations — what others need from us, what society expects, what family demands. But in my conversations with women, I’ve noticed something deeper. The expectations that truly exhaust us don’t always come from outside. Most of the time, they come from within.
It’s the inner voice that whispers — or more like screams — “You should have done more.” It’s the mental checklist that never ends, the need to prove that you can hold it all together with grace. These internal expectations are subtle but relentless. And because they come from us, they’re harder to recognize or release. Yet they are the reason so many women enter December already running on empty.
So I want to offer you something simple — a full exhale. Let it be physical if it needs to be. Drop your shoulders. Unclench your jaw. Let your chest soften. And then, with that same breath, let go of the rules you’ve written for yourself — the ones that say you need to be more productive, more composed, more perfect. Exhale the guilt, the comparison, the imaginary deadlines you’ve placed upon yourself.
The truth is, no one is asking you to be all of that except you. When you exhale expectations, you make space for calm, joy, and real connection to enter. And that’s the breath your December — and your whole being — has been waiting for.
M is for Move Your Energy.
Movement is life. It’s the invisible current that carries everything — your thoughts, your mood, your creativity, your motivation. Without movement, energy stagnates. And without energy, nothing else in this month, or in life, can fully exist. You can’t embrace enough, you can’t connect with what matters, you can’t exhale expectations. Energy is the base — the key to it all.
We often think movement has to be exercise — something we measure or track — but real movement is much more natural. It’s stepping outside for fresh air. It’s stretching your body after sitting too long. It’s tidying your space, dancing in your kitchen, walking while you think. Every small act of movement reminds your body that you’re alive and capable of generating your own vitality. Movement doesn’t have to be intense to be powerful — it just needs to be intentional. When you move your energy, you move your life.
So keep moving — but make it fun. Don’t move because you should, move because you can. Let it be your celebration of life itself. When you move, your mind clears, your emotions soften, and your confidence rises.
Energy is the purest expression of freedom. It’s how you shift from surviving the month to creating it. And that, truly, is the rhythm of midlife power.
Something that I do quite often — and at the beginning, I needed to remind myself — but now I do it automatically: anytime I talk to somebody on the phone, I walk. It could be outside or inside my house. Anytime I make a cup of coffee or wait for tea to brew, I move. I move around the counter, or I do a few jumping jacks, or a few other simple exercises just to keep my energy going forward.
This is something simple that doesn’t require extra time. You blend it into your day — you blend it with other things you’re already doing. That’s how movement becomes natural, not another task.
The letter B stands for Believe in Yourself.
Belief is the quiet foundation under everything I do — under everything you do. It’s invisible, yet it shapes every choice, every risk, every dream you allow yourself to imagine. You can have plans, discipline, even opportunity — but without belief, none of it holds.
In midlife, belief takes on a deeper meaning. It’s no longer about proving yourself to the world; it’s about remembering that you’ve already done enough to trust yourself now.
It doesn’t matter who believes in you out there in the world. Truly — it really doesn’t matter. People’s support is beautiful, but it’s temporary. It fluctuates with their moods, their seasons, their stories, and their beliefs. Your own belief is the only one that endures. You are your number one believer — the only one who knows what it took to get here, what you’ve carried, what you’ve rebuilt.
Belief isn’t something you earn; it’s something you choose every single day.
So this December, practice belief as a daily act. When you doubt yourself, pause and say, “I’ve done hard things before — I can do them again.” When you feel unseen, remember that visibility means nothing without self-recognition. Believing in yourself doesn’t mean arrogance; it means alignment — standing with yourself through every version of who you’ve been. Because when you believe in you, you move from hoping to knowing — and that changes everything.
E is for Extend Kindness Inward.
A simple phrase that I once heard from my professor: Be kind to yourself.
It sounds almost too simple — and yet, it’s the one thing so many women forget. We give kindness easily to others. We comfort, encourage, support, and hold space. But when it comes to ourselves, we tighten. We push. We rush. We demand more — as if compassion is something to be earned.
But here’s the truth — the busier you are, the more kindness you need. The more stressed you feel, the softer you should become with yourself. Not the other way around. Pushing harder when you’re already running low doesn’t create strength; it drains the very energy you need to live fully and move forward.
Kindness is not a luxury. It’s maintenance for the soul. It’s the pause before the burnout, the breath before the answer, the smile you give yourself when no one else is watching. Let kindness be your reset — not a reward after you’ve done enough, but the daily way you refill your heart so you can keep doing what matters.
The important part is to know and understand for yourself what this phrase truly means. When you say “Be kind to yourself,” or when I tell you “Be kind to yourself,” what does that mean to you? What does it look like in your life? What should you be doing more of? And what should you be doing less of? So think about it — what does this phrase mean to you personally?
The last letter in the month of December is R, and for me, it stands for Reflect and Renew.
When my son was little, I used to tell him that before a new holiday could begin, we had to say goodbye to the last one. We’d make a ritual of taking down the decorations — turning it into something joyful, not sad — a way to let go of something we had loved seeing around.
And it taught me something that I still carry today: renewal can’t happen without release. The same is true for us. As this year draws to a close, we need to put things away — not out of rejection, but out of reverence. The memories, the lessons, even the mistakes — they’ve served their purpose. Let them rest.
During this month, give yourself small moments of reflection. Sit with a cup of tea and think about what this year has really meant to you. Who you became. What you learned. What no longer needs to come with you into the next chapter.
And then — renew. Make space for what’s next. Space in your mind, in your home, in your heart. Release with gratitude, not regret. Because when you clear what’s complete, you invite in what’s alive.
That’s how new energy finds you — not through forcing beginnings, but through honoring endings. Reflect and renew. It’s how you make peace with the past and open your arms to the future.
So, here’s my December for you.
And before you plan another thing — another event, another list, another expectation — stop for a moment and ask yourself:
How do I want to feel this December? Because when you define the feeling, everything else finds its place.
The tasks, the plans, even the house — they all begin to align with what truly matters to you.
And if any of these words from the month of December — Design, Embrace, Connect, Exhale, Move, Believe, Extend, Reflect — spoke to you, choose one for this week. Just one. Let it guide how you move, how you think, how you show up.
This month isn’t about perfection — it’s about presence. It’s about feeling your own life as it happens — creating it one conscious moment at a time. That’s how you Create Your Midlife. And that’s how you remember, even in the busiest season — you have yourself.