Midlife and the Holidays: How Midlife Women Can Stop Overthinking and Feel the Magic Again
PODCAST · EPISODE № 010
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In this episode of Create Your Midlife™, Dr. Oksana Skidan explores how midlife women can step away from holiday pressure, perfection, and overthinking — and return to what the season is truly about: presence, connection, and lived joy.
Through personal stories, reflection, and lived wisdom, she invites you to slow down in the days before Christmas and recognize how easily meaningful moments are missed when we treat the holidays like a performance instead of an experience. This episode is a reminder that laughter, warmth, and imperfect moments create the memories that last.
🧭 In This Episode:
• Why the holidays feel different in midlife — and why that depth matters
• How perfection and “managing the moment” quietly steal joy
• The invisible pressure midlife women carry during the holiday season
• Why presence — not planning — becomes our true legacy
• How to step away from perfection and step fully into connection
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Transcript:
Oksana Skidan (00:00)
It's almost here — the holidays.
And somehow, this year, at least for me, feels different.
Maybe it's the timing, maybe it's the world, maybe it's just midlife — but for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm still catching up. There are still gifts waiting to be wrapped, meals to plan, people to call and invite — and yet, something in me just wants to pause.
It's that strange in-between — the lists are still long, but your energy is already whispering, enough.
And that’s what I want to talk about today.
Because two days before Christmas, I don’t want to give you another list or another reminder of what you should be doing — I want to remind you that it’s okay to stop.
You know how, in those baking competition shows, they call out, “Time’s up — step away from the cake!”
I keep thinking that’s exactly what many of us need to hear right about now.
Because the truth is, the house most likely smells like pine and cinnamon. The lights are glowing — maybe not on all the trees you planned — but inside, the to-do list is still running.
We’ve been preparing for this all month — for some people, maybe half a year — and if we don’t stop soon, we’ll miss it while it’s happening.
The holidays have this way of turning into a performance. Every detail, every moment, needs to be curated, every plate arranged just right — even though we promise ourselves we’ll step away from perfection.
But the older I get, the more I realize that holidays aren’t a performance — they’re an experience.
And perfection doesn’t make memories.
Laughter does. Warmth does. Presence does.
The soft, unplanned, human moments — the ones you can’t photograph or wrap — those are the ones that actually stay.
So maybe, before anything else, it’s time to say it to ourselves: Time’s up. Step away.
You know, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how the holidays feel in midlife.
They’re not as shiny as they used to be — but I think they’re a lot deeper. There’s a certain awareness that sneaks in — the knowing that time moves fast, and that these moments we’re living right now won’t repeat.
And maybe that’s why, this year, I keep comparing the holidays — funny enough — to a wedding. All that planning, all that anticipation, the endless details… and then, the next morning, it’s over.
You wait for it, you dream about it, you organize every little thing — and then it’s gone, just like that. And you’re left wondering, Did I actually experience it, or did I just manage it?
That’s how joy slips by. Not because it’s rare, but because we treat it like an event instead of a feeling. We think joy is something we earn after we finish everything.
But joy doesn’t wait for your checklist. It lives in the middle of it — in the laughter, in the colors, in the moments when nothing goes as planned and yet, somehow, it’s still beautiful.
And as midlife women, we carry so much invisible pressure this time of year.
To make it magical for everyone else — to hold the center, hold the peace, hold the plan. The meals, the décor, the gifts, the mood — all of it somehow becomes our silent responsibility. But the truth is, the memories that last aren’t the ones from the perfect table setting. They’re from the moments that went off script.
The messy kitchen. The slightly — maybe a bit more than slightly — burned cookies that everyone still ate, laughing. The car ride, singing off-key to Christmas songs and fighting over which song should play next. That’s where life actually happens — not in control, but in connection. Not in perfection, but in presence.
Let me tell you a story.
A few years ago, my husband, my son, and I drove to visit my husband’s parents in Iowa for Christmas. On the phone, his mom mentioned that they had decided to go with an artificial tree that year. At that time, we just weren’t ready for it — even though now, I’ll admit, we have a few of those in our own house.
Anyway, as we were getting closer to their home after a long drive, we got this brilliant idea — or at least, we thought it was brilliant. “Let’s stop by a local grocery store and surprise them with a real tree!”
It sounded magical, especially after nineteen hours in the car.
Well, except it was already just a few days before Christmas, and the choices were… not great. Actually, they were quite terrible. But we were determined. So we picked a small one, strapped it to the car, and felt so proud of ourselves.
We brought it into the house, turned on the lights, and under the warm glow of the kitchen, our pride quickly turned into laughter — because that tree was something else. Somehow, it had been sprayed with this odd greenish-blue color. It didn’t even look real. And on top of that, it had clearly been sitting outside a bit too long, because the smell—well, let’s just say it reminded me of an unclean cat box. Not exactly the scent of Christmas morning in the beautiful kitchen of my mother-in-law. So, needless to say, it didn’t make it to the center of the celebration — but it did find its place outside, where it stood proudly for the rest of the holiday, or at least for the rest of our visit there.
And years later, we still laugh about it. That little disaster became one of our favorite Christmas memories of that year. It’s the perfect example of how the opposite of perfect can become the most perfect thing of all. Because that’s the truth of it — the moments that stay with us are rarely the ones we planned. They’re the ones that caught us off guard, made us laugh, and reminded us that joy doesn’t care about presentation. Joy just wants to be felt.
You know, I think midlife holidays carry a completely different energy. They’re not about creating magic anymore — they’re about feeling it. For so many of us, the shape of the season has changed. The kids are older. Some are home from college. Some are in that sweet in-between — not quite kids, not quite gone. The house feels both full and fleeting. You can sense it — this moment, this version of life, won’t come around forever. And that’s what makes presence so sacred right now.
Because this isn’t just another December. This is one of the few where they’re still here — still under the same roof, still coming into the kitchen asking what’s for dinner, or lying on the couch half-watching Christmas movies with you. These are the in-between years, and they are golden. They’re not here to be turned into magic, but to be truly, deeply felt.
The truth is, the gift they’ll remember isn’t the perfect wrapping, or the dinner table, or even the matching pajamas — even though they do look great in photos. And for the first time, I’m really thinking maybe it’s still not too late to run out and get those matching ones. But what our kids, our families — and secretly, we ourselves — are really wishing for and dreaming about, the things we’ll be remembering for years and years, are the sound of our laughter when something went wrong, the way you sat on the floor playing cards, the late-night hot chocolate, maybe even the dancing in the kitchen to the same songs you’ve played for decades.
That’s what presence looks like in midlife — not slowing down, but showing up. Not controlling the moment, but being fully in it. And maybe that’s the quiet wisdom of this season.
Realizing that our legacy isn’t in how well we managed it all, but in how deeply we lived it. Because someday, when they think of Christmas, they won’t remember what you bought — they’ll remember how it felt to be with you.
So maybe this year, the most powerful thing you can do isn’t to plan more — it’s to actually step away. To sit down. To look around and really see the imperfect, beautiful life you’ve created. Because this — this right here — is the season you’ve been building all along.
There comes a point in every December, right about now, when you realize it’s time to stop adjusting, perfecting, and planning. It’s time, once again, to step away — not because it’s all done, but because it’s time to live it. Step away from the comparison, the striving, the constant rearranging of plans in your head.
Step into the fun part. Into the glow. Into the light. Step into the togetherness that’s been waiting for you all along. Because if everything isn’t done — good. That’s your cue that life is happening.
The undone details, the crooked bows, the half-wrapped — or not-wrapped-at-all — gifts aren’t signs of failure. They’re signs that you’re in it. Perfection freezes time. Presence lets it flow.
And maybe that’s the real wisdom of midlife — knowing when to stop managing the moment and start feeling it. Enjoying it. Fully living in it. Because when you step away, you actually step in — into connection, joy, and the kind of calm that doesn’t come from control, but from being fully here.
This week, I want you to give yourself the same permission you give everyone else — to enjoy. To talk. To laugh. To sit down. To rest. To feel. Because memories aren’t built in perfection. They’re built in motion — in conversation, in play, in those perfectly imperfect moments that make you feel alive.
So wherever you are, whatever stage your family is in, make one memory on purpose this week. Do something silly. Unplanned. Wild. Human. Bake the cookies that might fall apart. Wear the pajamas all day. Take the photo that no one’s ready for.
Because that’s the story you’ll still be telling next year — not how perfectly the napkins were folded, but how fully you were there.
This season, step away from perfect. Step into presence. Because when you’re fully present, you’re not just enjoying the moment — you’re creating memories that will stay with you forever.
Merry Christmas, my midlife girlfriend.