Learning from the Past Holidays and How to Create the Season Your Way.
PODCAST · EPISODE № 004
Listen to the full episode:
Holidays can feel like a whirlwind — full of expectations, emotions, traditions, and pressure to make everything special. And for many midlife women, this season often brings holiday overwhelm, holiday stress, and the quiet fear of repeating another year of burnout. But what if creating a meaningful season had nothing to do with reinventing everything… and everything to do with remembering what already worked?
In this episode, Dr. Oksana Skidan — writer, educator, and creator of the Create Your Midlife™ Method — shares a simple, powerful ritual that transformed how she approaches the holidays: Keep – Stop – Start. It’s a grounded, intuitive way to design a season that feels calm, intentional, and true to who you are now — especially if you’re craving simpler holidays, less stress, clearer holiday boundaries, and more space for yourself.
Drawing from her Ukrainian-American holiday memories and her midlife philosophy of self-agency, she shows you how to release pressure, reduce holiday anxiety, avoid holiday burnout, and create a season that feels like you — not perfection, not comparison, not obligation.
This is an episode for every woman who wants a calm holiday season, a meaningful holiday reset, and a chance to create new traditions that match the woman she has become.
🧭 In This Episode:
• Why “reinventing the holidays” often pulls you away from what actually brings joy
• How to use the Keep–Stop–Start ritual to design your season with clarity
• The difference between tradition and intention — and why midlife invites you to choose again
• Real examples from Oksana’s life that show how small choices change the whole season
• A simple family ritual to create connection without stress or performance
Useful Resources:
Subscribe to The Create Letter: https://oksanaskidan.com/newsletter
Explore The Midlife Method™: https://oksanaskidan.com/midlife-method
Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/
Follow on Instagram @oksana_skidan_dr: https://www.instagram.com/oksana_skidan_dr
Transcript:
Oksana Skidan (00:02.88)
Last year, I almost missed the holiday magic because I was too busy trying to reinvent it. I was caught in that familiar rush — chasing a better season, the perfect table, the ideal mood. You know how it goes. New magazines come out, Pinterest boards start overflowing, everyone’s talking about the newest recipe or the trendiest holiday color palette. And without even noticing, you start thinking, maybe this year I should do it differently. Better. Prettier. More memorable.
For me, it’s always the colors. I go into a completely different color mood. Maybe this year my Christmas tree — or should I say our Christmas tree — should have all blue ornaments, or maybe red ones. That’s something I contemplate every single year.
But somewhere in that rush, I realized something important. In trying to make everything new, I was forgetting what had already worked beautifully. What had already felt right. What had already made me feel at home.
And for me, home and holidays are two very special concepts. As many of you know, I’m from Ukraine, and every holiday season I wouldn’t say I get sad — but I really miss being home. Even though I call the United States home now, and have for many years, and I love this place, and I love our home here — when the holidays come around, there is always that nostalgic feeling for the home where I was born.
So I always look at the holidays with this mix of sadness and sparkle in my eyes.
So this year, I decided to slow down. Not to repeat — but to remember. Not to remember something sad, but to remember something special.
Because the holidays aren’t just sparkly and sweet. They’re emotional — for me, and I know for you too. They’re layered. They carry history, family, longing, hope… and sometimes even a little ache. We crave celebration, but we also crave calm. We want the new, but we’re drawn to the familiar.
Oksana Skidan (00:01.666)
We crave celebration, but we also crave calm. We want the new, but we’re drawn to the familiar. That’s the real texture of the season— and it’s beautiful when you stop trying to smooth it out.
So today I want to talk about learning from past holidays, about how to create the holidays your way, not through reinvention but through reflection. Not by adding more, but by choosing differently. Because sometimes the calmest, most meaningful season isn’t the one you design— it’s the one you allow.
So let’s begin. Let’s talk about what it means to learn from your past holidays and how to create this one your way, through choice.
Several years ago, I created a simple formula that I use all the time—in my educational talks, in my reflections, and honestly in my everyday life. It’s easy to remember and incredibly effective. Just three simple words: Keep. Stop. Start. It sounds simple, but it’s powerful. It’s a formula for clarity.
Whenever I feel overwhelmed or unsure, I take a pause and ask myself those three questions:
What do I want to keep doing at this moment?
What do I want to stop doing at this moment?
And what do I want to start—what do I need to add?
But last year, right around this time, I had a moment of quiet. I paused—almost by accident—and realized something important. I could use the same formula for the holidays. I looked back at the year before and asked myself those same three questions:
What do I want to keep from the last holiday season and bring into this one?
What do I want to stop?
And what do I want to start?
That’s where the clarity came from. Not from doing more, but from choosing less. Or maybe it’s better to say: from choosing better. I shifted my focus away from “out there”—from what’s new, what’s trending, what everyone else is doing—to what actually felt true.
Oksana Skidan (02:28.526)
I shifted my focus away from what was out there—what’s new, what’s trending, what everyone else is doing—and toward what actually felt true and mine. Because awareness turns memories into guidance. And you know me: I’m a big believer in the wisdom of our own experience.
In my Create Your Midlife method, the very first element is Own Your Story, and that’s for a reason. We’ve lived so much already. We’ve learned so much, built so much, survived so much. That history isn’t just behind us—it’s our foundation.
So now, when I look at the holidays, I don’t see a blank slate. I see a continuation, another chance to refine what works and release what doesn’t. Because here’s the truth: you can’t repeat peace if you don’t recognize what created it.
And keep in mind, I’m not inviting you to look back and get lost in nostalgia. This isn’t about recreating some perfect Christmas from twenty years ago. It’s about learning from your own experience—doing a “lessons learned” from your past holidays. This is self-leadership in motion. It’s what I call intentional continuity: building your present from what has already proven to nurture you.
So let’s look at each part of this formula—Keep, Stop, Start—and see how you can use it to design your most grounded, joyful, and authentic holiday season yet. Not the one that looks perfect. The one that actually feels like you.
Let’s begin with the Keep–Stop–Start ritual, what I like to call the Calm Woman’s Checklist. It’s not about doing less or doing more. It’s about doing what’s yours.
It’s about doing this with awareness. It’s about leading your season from the inside out — grounded, intuitive, and beautifully self-aware. We start with Keep. Ask yourself: What from last year felt good in my body, in my heart, in my home, in my life?
Oksana Skidan (04:42.19)
Think about those moments that made you exhale — the deep, quiet ones. Maybe it was a concert or a favorite play. Maybe it was that slow walk through the outdoor Christmas market, the smell of pine and cinnamon, a hot drink in your hand. Maybe it was watching those perfectly imperfect holiday movies that made you smile for no reason at all. And I know we all love those, even if we would never admit it publicly.
These aren’t just activities; they are emotional anchors — gentle reminders of what nourishes you beneath the noise. They remind you who you are when everything slows down. So keep them. Keep what works. Keep what feels like you. Because every time you repeat peace, you strengthen it. And that is your Keep.
The next one is Stop. Now ask yourself: What drained me, even if it looked nice from the outside? We all have those moments. Maybe it was over-hosting. Maybe it was saying yes out of guilt. Maybe it was over-planning or trying to please everyone at once. Write these down, not as judgments, but as gentle “don’ts.” You will be amazed at how much space this simple list creates.
Awareness is what breaks the repetition cycle. You don’t have to repeat what exhausts you — not even in the name of tradition. Stopping isn’t quitting; it’s choosing. It is self-agency in its simplest, most powerful form.
For me personally, one thing I’m stopping this year is cooking — not cooking altogether, but cooking the way I grew up with. In Ukraine, we have this beautiful tradition that whenever we invite people into our homes, we prepare an incredible, abundant table. Dozens of handmade dishes, hours spent in the kitchen. It’s an act of love, but it’s also a lot of labor. And when I look at my schedule now, I notice how many times I’ve said no to meeting with friends or inviting them over because
Oksana Skidan (07:06.484)
I feel overwhelmed with preparing that kind of table. So this year, I decided to pause that tradition — at least for now — and focus on just a few dishes, or maybe do something very American: coffee, tea, a few sweets, maybe a glass of wine or champagne. But most importantly, I’ll put my attention on talking with my friends, seeing my friends, spending time with my friends, and celebrating the season — instead of worrying about dishes and how they’ll turn out.
So now we move to Start.
And finally, here is this word. Ask yourself: What do I want to invite in this year that reflects who I am now? This is where you give yourself permission to evolve — to update your rituals the same way you’ve updated your life.
For me, this year I’m starting to show up in more sparkle — sequins, shimmer, a touch of glitter in my makeup and clothes — and I’m starting early in the season. I’m starting to invite my friends over, as I mentioned earlier, without the pressure of the abundant Ukrainian table. No twelve-course feast, no hours in the kitchen.
Oksana Skidan (08:31.478)
It’s not about changing everything. It’s about aligning your season with your current self — the woman you are today, not the woman you used to be, and not the woman you think you should be. And when you live like that — when you keep, stop, and start with awareness — you stop surviving the holidays and start creating them.
This is the truest, most natural way to design your holidays and your midlife: from calm, from clarity, from choice.
The clarity came when I gave myself permission to do it my way.
That one sentence changed everything for me. Because this — this is what self-agency looks like in the most emotional season of the year. You can honor the past without living by it. You can love your family deeply and still choose differently this time.
You can stay connected to your roots and still grow in your own direction.
It’s not rebellion — it’s resonance. It’s when what you do finally matches who you are.
For me, that’s what the holidays have become. Not a performance, not a checklist. Though yes, I do perform — I invite friends over, we sing, I play the piano. But that’s a different kind of performance. That’s joy, not pressure.
The woman I am now is the woman who is clear with her choices. The woman who allows herself to stop doing what no longer works, keep what she loves, and only then — only then — start something new, add something new, something I know will bring joy into my life.
So here’s a small reflection practice for you — one that can become a ritual, not just an exercise.
This week, write three short lists: Keep. Stop. Start. That becomes your quiet contract with yourself for the season.
Make it a moment of connection, not pressure. Light a candle. Put on your favorite music. Maybe do it with a glass of wine, a cup of tea, or hot chocolate. Maybe in your favorite holiday pajamas. Let it be cozy, simple, and yours. Give yourself that hour not to plan, but to reconnect,
to feel, to remember, to notice, and to lead yourself gently into what’s next. And if you like, extend this ritual beyond yourself. I do it with my family, and it has become one of my favorite moments of the season. At the end of the day, my husband, my son, and I sit down together and go through what each of us wants to keep, stop, and start this year. It’s honest, sometimes funny, and always full of heart and memories. And after the memories come the dreams.
This year, we’re starting a new tradition — something simple, but meaningful. We don’t know yet if it will stay for the whole year, but it feels right for now. And that’s the magic of choosing: you can pick something this year and completely change it next year. You’re not locked in — you’re simply saying yes to what fits you right now.
One tradition we’re definitely keeping from last year is our Advent calendars.
We each have our own, and every night in December we open one small surprise and share it with each other. It’s such a small thing, but it stretches the joy of the season across the entire month. I personally love these moments. They turn every day into a tiny moment of connection.
So maybe this year, try it your way. Create holidays that feel less like obligation and more like reflection. Less like performance and more like presence. Because even the best traditions can still feel like obligations if they aren’t chosen by you — if they don’t nourish your life as it is now.
And that is the beauty of the Keep–Stop–Start ritual. You can use it every day. You can use it to plan your holidays this year — and then change it completely next year.
This isn’t a plan. It’s a practice. It’s not about control. It’s about choice. And the more you practice it, the more your holidays begin to look and feel like you.
Oksana Skidan (13:14.018)
You don’t need to find the perfect holiday. You only need to find yourself in it. Because peace isn’t something we stumble upon — it’s something we create, one choice, one boundary, one quiet moment at a time. And for us as women, it so often begins with allowing ourselves to slow down, to breathe, to remember ourselves inside the season rather than around it.
This is the season to remember that awareness is the real luxury of midlife — the ability to know what matters, to know what doesn’t, and to give yourself permission to meet life exactly as you are right now. Not as the world expects you to be. Not as tradition tells you to be. As you.
The holidays don’t define you. You define how you meet them — through your pace, your presence, your values. Through the moments you choose to keep, the expectations you choose to release, and the joy you choose to invite in, even when things aren’t perfect. Especially when things aren’t perfect.
So let this season be a return, not a race. A return to your own rhythm. A return to your warmth. A return to your truth — the grounded, beautiful truth of who you are in this chapter. Because the calmest woman in the room isn’t the one who did the most. It’s the one who chose with clarity, acted with ease, and enjoyed with presence.
Oksana Skidan (14:56.204)
Because the calmest woman in the room isn’t the one who did the most.
It’s the one who chooses with clarity, acts with ease, and enjoys with presence.
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